This article was floating around Facebook today explaining why it is imperative you land a pilot. 6 reasons to be exact. Since I am a pilot, I figured I’d explain my reasoning why scoring a Jet Captain should be on your to-do list. While you may find a man irresistible who gets paid to strap himself to a hurtling piece of metal for a living think about this: that same man safely brings that metal back down to Earth while dodging birds, kites, and the occasional errant birthday party balloon. How sexy it must be to imagine him in the cockpit driving the airplane to the gate as quickly and safely as possible because he needs to use the restroom after pounding coffee for the last few hours. Even though these notions are enticing enough, let me tell you other down-to-earth reasons why dating a pilot is a real treat. And if you’re so lucky to marry one, I’ll tell you the secrets you have in store for you. I should know. I am a pilot.
If you’re into jet setting.
Being with a pilot means you get bootstrapped to your throttle jockey’s pass privileges. This is not automatic though. He may already have his drinking buddy listed as his ‘domestic partner’ so they can take free trips down to the islands or Vegas together. Once you’ve proven your worth though, imagine traveling for nearly free as long as there are seats available on the flight you are hoping to climb aboard during peak traveling season when everyone else is willing to pay to get there. You can look forward to off-season trips to cold beaches and icy ski slopes. And while travel is cheap you aren’t afforded any extra privileges in the TSA line so if you get bumped from the flight because there is no room for your cheap ass you can go home with the memory of being harassed and possibly manhandled by a security agent – for free!
Built-in breaks.
As much as you may love your man it’s nice to spend some time apart. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, as they say. If your pilot is junior in the airline you can look forward to him being away even more often giving you even more time to watch bad tv alone on the couch. And because he is junior you can look forward to Wednesday night date night because he will be working weekends and only be home a few days during the week. If you have a normal nine-to-five job you will enjoy many weekends out with your girlfriends telling them about how awesome your new man is. Practice this speech because you will be telling it again at all major holiday gatherings until your flyboy is seasoned enough in the airline to hold a decent schedule.
Conquer your fear of flying. Was your grandmother surprised when you told her you were dating an aviator? Did she remind you of your fear of flying and the time you peed on yourself when you were a little girl? Well, any fears you may have had will be as easy as a bedtime story when he comes home and tells you about his day. If he brings another winged warrior over and they have a few beers then you’d better leave the room and start packing depends before you fly. Your fears will be realized when he casually tells you about the near misses, low fuel warnings and the time he volunteered to be the ‘pathfinder’ through the storms just because he wanted to get to the hotel before the restaurant closed.
Everyone likes a man in uniform.
And who doesn’t love a veteran pilot in a season uniform? You’ve enjoyed a four-day break from your Jet Driver while he’s been out dodging storms, avoiding calamity, and spilling coffee on himself. You can’t wait for him to come home. Imagine the love you will feel when you see him walking from the car looking fine in his stripes. He’s been gone for four days and to avoid overloading his suitcase with extra bulk he’s packed just one uniform. The one he is wearing… the same one he left wearing four days ago. Maybe he spent a few extra hours in the sun waiting for a late hotel van or a little extra time in the rain kicking the tires of his jet. He’s not just your pilot. He’s your road warrior. And he has the smells of the road to prove it.
Free stuff Your man will bring you all kinds of gifts from the road. You will never want for little bars of soap, shampoo and if he is really cheap – really bad toilet paper. Your bookshelf and magazine rack will be stocked full of gossip magazines and bad fiction. Your couch throws will be thin airline blankets and your pantry will be full of snack mix and V8. You will never have to go to the Dollar Store again! And you thought you had it made with the last nine-to-five guy you dated. His free pens and office supplies don’t stand a chance next to the bad wine mini bottles he will pull out of his flight bag.
As an airline pilot, I can assuredly say that my wife made the best decision of her life when she chose me. She’s a lucky lady and repays me with endless bottles of sunscreen to keep my weathered skin healthy and kicking for many years in the sun to come.
This is awesome, and soooo true!!!
it wasn’t *until* I started to date my pilot that I became a fearful flyer! I wish it were the other way around, but at least I have my Ativan 😉 Fun post!
As a pilot’s wife I can honestly say this is all true……especially him smelling like the plane when he gets home. It’s a smell I’ve come to like. =) I hated flying until I flew with my pilot, I love flying when he is in the cockpit!
Thanks for the comment. Often, I smell myself on the drive home and think I should at least change before I enter.
Nice article! One of my best male friends is a captain for a major us airline. I really like him and he likes me, but we haven’t “taken the next step”. While there are numerous perks to dating a pilot, and I met him because I share a love of airplanes, I love him just for him. I would love to be his girl whether he was a pilot or a janitor!
So both of you walk into things when planes fly overhead? Both looking up not watching where you are going?
Just be sure to land one who works for a established mainline or legacy airline, UPS or Fedex, because those guys at the commuter/regional airlines make food stamp money.
You just have to know what stores have peddlers outside who will trade food stamps for contraband.
I should not have read this while I was drinking my coffee. lmao!
I use my sons sippy cups in the cockpit to avoid the same outcome.
OMG did I LMAO! This is soooooo true. The writer forgot about all the furloughs, crashpads, and airport cars with no heat!
I will never forget being on a flight with an FO that had no heat in his car and it was below freezing temps. A flight attendant offered to bake him some potatoes she had with her. Humm, he didn’t mention he was hungry but whatever. The next day he swore those potatoes in his pockets kept him from freezing to death driving home. I’ve tried it myself since and sure enough it really works! Just don’t melt your gloves.
For those who love to fly the sky is home…so they slip the surly bonds of earth…and reach out and touch the face of God.
But even after retiring from the airlines it’s nice to sit and listen to Dwayne O’Brien the Song Pilot. Brings back lots of memories.
Fly safe to all.
I knew a guy whose crashpad was parked in the employee lot. He slept in his van for months until he was caught stealing power from a light pole to operate a space heater. He spliced in somehow.
Several pilots have pulled that one off. When commuters are only paying $15 per hour there aren’t many options for living. Very sad.
And to think the folks at McDonald’s are wanting the same amount of money for flipping burgers!
this is article is just gross. He didn’t even mention the multiple kids around the county accompanied by the multiple ex wives to which he pays alimony on top of child support. the fact he lives in the airport when the airline doesn’t get him a hotel room. Off days? Hes in his parents basement since all the exex take his checks. These guys wear the same uniform for days because they don’t know how to iron. The pic indicates he is a regional pilot who make money equal to a fast food worker. The dress badly and have poor manners and always smell like coffee and sweat (and cigarettes if they are smokers). Flight benefits? Expect to get stuck standby in DSM for days because he snowed. Guess what girlfriend, he left without you.
The article isn’t gross, your reply is though.
Thank you “Guest” for allowing us all to laugh, at you.
Let me ask, how many times have you been burned by a man? I would be safe to say a few seeing as all your children have different fathers.
Thank you for pointing out we wear the same clothes. It’s called a uniform and we all know how to iron. If not, we have housekeeping for those tasks. However, I’d rather sped my time on a beach in Cancun than ironing.
Also, which pilot, on reserve, were you all tied up with? Who overnights in DSM? Ick. I’d be bitter also if that’s where my “pilot fling” landed me. Are you sad you didn’t get Paris or Rome?! I’m sad for you… 😉
Back to my Fast Food Job in the Sky…
Irony apparently flies way over the head of our poor little “Guest”, above. Thanks for giving us a few more chuckles at your expense.
Threestorks: Bloody Brilliant!
An ugly, old, fat, about to retire captain (Kinda looked like me.) discovered that his young, eager, virile, handsome young first officer was getting married. ‘Why don’t you cut to the chase?’ He growled. ‘Find some woman you hate, and buy her a house.’
you idiot.
Everything is spot on except you forgot one thing……hotel pens! In the 28 years of flying mainline we have never bought a pen!
Thank you….you put your life in harms way…I am retired military…I am nobody but not afraid to walk across teh street or face fear…that is right….the devil will not look me in the face after I have seen death in the face. My life is enjoying the happiness shared with soemone who understands me. You are the hero of the skies to enjoy doing what you do…..I prayed to die with honor but still here….why? I have more to give to others!
Nooooooooo…..free rides with ‘Corporate’…….;-)
I want to marry ten of pilots so I can have unlimited supplies of hotel shampoos and soaps. It was great flying with you today el capitan!.
I married a pilot and that was really lame lol
I’m crying, I’m laughing so hard!!!! Been married to my FLY GUY for almost 29 years, 20 of which has been while flying metal around. You hit it all on the head! Fabulously funny, but true!
The Captain in the picture looks like my gynecologist. Hey, there’s an idea.
Love my pilot wife. So much of this is true, but I wouldn’t trade her, or the lifestyle for anything.
I am also a pilot and I am married to a pilot. Besides being incredibly sexist, as if pilots are only men, the advantages listed mainly make women who want to “land a pilot,” sound like they’re entering into a transactional relationship…what he can do for them, as opposed to what they can build together.
The “built in breaks” section is the worst point in my opinion. It makes the woman “landing a pilot” sound like a lazy whore.
I sure am sorry you feel this way Susan. I wrote this piece as satire and referenced a link in the first sentence that I was making fun of… Which, if anything, is the sexist article. Again, I’m sorry you feel this way.
I got it , nice article and funny
forgot 2 things- the advangtages apply to dating female pilots too- the author missed a trick
As the author Jane allow me to apologise. I was poking fun at the article I reference in the first sentence which only referred to male pilots.
For God’s sake, go away, you, social justice warriors! Loved the article, and the accuracy! My drawers are always full of pens and pantry full of mini cheerios, and there’s nothing better than him coming home wearing his uniform smelling like plane oil after 4 days of flying. I have to say I scored big, high five to myself!
I love the satire! But I seriously need to know what I have to do to "land" an airline pilot. I miss the pilot-wife life (even though that particular pilot was a little too much to handle and he was charter jets). The smell of Jet-A and the sight of those bars is the best (no matter how sweaty or coffee stained) So, seriously, is there a dating site for pilots?