I was driving home today and saw a dog running around the neighborhood a few blocks from my house. Being the good neighbor and dog owner that I am, I figured it best to try and find the little fella’s owner before his nose got too cold, he got lost, or had a run-in with our village fox. I’m not sure what kind of dog he was—I’m no good with dog breeds. He was brown and looked friendly enough (you can see where this is going). I stopped the car and approached him on foot.
Before we go any further, there is this sheet of ice in the road around the corner from my house that we joke about every couple of days: “When will that melt! Where does it come from? Why only there?” This is exactly where I parked, on the one sheet of ice in the neighborhood left since the snow melted. I didn’t slip—I didn’t fall. That would be too easy of a punch line.
I approached the dog. I had on thick gloves and a winter jacket—this made me feel invincible. He still seemed friendly enough. I held out my gloved hands like the actors who play dog handlers in the movies do when they help out innocent dogs who just need a friend. He watched and waited.
As the gap between him and I shrank to just a few feet, he went bananas! He barked, bared his teeth, and I think did a flip I’ve only seen skateboarders do. His back end came up and around, and he landed a 360 during the time it took for one bark. Or, at least I think he landed it. I skated across the ice and was back in my car when I saw he completed his dance and was racing to the car window.
I hit the gas but went nowhere. His face was on my window and my wheels spun under me. The noise of the car making no purchase on the ice underneath made him even wilder! As I revved my motor, he revved his. When I finally had a grip on the pavement below, it was a Dukes of Hazzard scene as my car slid sideways and skidded out of my trap.
My friend followed me for about a block, jumping up and trying to bite my side mirror. I’ve fallen many times and looked around to see who was watching, but this was the first time I looked back hoping none of my neighbors watched me drive frantically away from a dog!
Part of me wants to go back tomorrow and see if he is still out. Part of me doesn’t. Thinking back on it now, I think he was a pretty small dog.
I seriously laughed until I cried. You should be a writer.
Good grief Chris….do not endanger yourself in what could be a very important week in your life. No broken arms, wrecked cars, or pieces out of your rear end!!!! It is nice you were trying to be helpful. Maybe the dog was out of his mind cold!!!!
I agree, you should be a writer. This was great.
I somehow missed this years ago. Snorting laughing:)