I took a walk to the back of the plane in flight today to pee. This is something I try not to do too often and is called the “Walk of Shame” for good reason. First of all, it requires getting up. This after sitting for so long strapped to an airplane is pretty tough to do. Not because of muscle atrophy or sleeping blood vessels but because you get so damned lazy and lethargic. To make the trip though, you have to get a crewmember up front to fill your seat while you are gone. The doors are bullet-proof now and they figure it’s best not to have one guy locked up front by themselves with the other i the back. They always want two bodies up front at all times so if one passes out dead and the other can still open the door.
The awkwardness of leaving the cockpit and walking by all the folks with them wondering who in the hell is flying the plane is the big reason why I don’t care too much for taking the ‘Walk of Shame’.
But today was going to be that day and my bladder just wasn’t holding out like it should. I readied my tie and did my best to fix my hair looking at it in the sun visor and gathering my thoughts. I had the flight attendant by the door ready to take my seat. She would strap into the Captain’s seat while I made my way to the toilet seat.
We made the hand off and I made sure she didn’t hit her head on any red handles.
I made my way back.
I smiled at the kids and winked at the old ladies.
All was well until I was making my way back to my office and a mom asked if i would talk to her son of five or so.
“Hello, buddy.” I said.
“Will you give me your autograph?” He said as he thrust a little notebook into my hand.
I didn’t know what to write.
I’m typically pretty quick on my feet but the little guy caught me off guard.
Maybe this was his first flight?
Maybe he dreams of being a pilot?
Maybe this will become a cherished keepsake?
“Be Good” I wrote with my cheap hotel pen and signed my name. I’ve never signed anything Captain before.
I nodded to the mom and hurried off to take my seat back.
To get back into my element and give the cabin back the professional customer service rep.
I told her what I did and what I wrote and she guessed I didn’t have kids of my own.
Back in my seat thousands of more appropriate one-liners came to mind.
These witty flying puns that we hear all the time.
Couldn’t I have written “Keep the blue side up” or “From the friendly skies, your Captain”?
No? I had to tell the kid to “Be Good”.
But I had a great thought.
A thought that got me through the flight as I strapped back in and let my limbs fall asleep and atrophy back in the seat.
What if he goes on to be a pilot?
What if he does carry that slip with him through flight school?
What if he goes on to fly the first shuttle mission to Mars and becomes a Global Hero?
Maybe he would use my line as his catchphrase?
Maybe he would tour the world and on a global mission of peace.
“All I ever wanted to be do was fly planes and Be Good!”